Not In Love
by Siriusly Devoted
Summary: Ginny's thoughts... A quick summary of Ginny's sixth year and her feelings towards Harry and the upcoming battle.


It was just a crush… to start with. A smile in my direction and I'd melt. A simple hi and I'd be shaking for hours. A laugh, full of happiness and I'd want to laugh till I died. But it was just a crush.

Ooh Merlin, his emerald eyes had me silently begging for more. For more _anything_. His fingers brushing mine when handing him a quill or a fork or whatever just made me feel like fireworks were exploding inside me.

Then one day, it changed. I was _in love_. I was in love with Harry James Potter. And you know what, it sucked. For _years_ I loved that boy, and had to suffer him lusting after Cho bloody Chang for eighteen months. And then, _then_, he kissed me that time in the common room, in front of _everybody_. And all reason why it wasn't a good idea flew out the bloody window.

But not months later he broke it off, claiming it was too dangerous. Ooh, it's not like I even cared! "Don't forget to love someone, and tell them you love them, because one day they might be gone." Yeah, well I was going… Dean, Michael, they were just the beginning… Don't get me wrong, I'm no slut, but I'd realised that there was a me without Harry. And it's not the end of the world if he's not by my side.

Hermione always tried telling me he loved me, and for a while I believed her. I mean, I still do. But I'm not that girl anymore. He loves the old me, and the new me doesn't love him… Not in that way. And he's only in love with the idea of me, because he still lusts after the old me, the me that doesn't exist. If that makes sense?

That summer, the one where Bill and Fleur married, and the attack on the Ministry, the one where the "Golden Trio" had to jet off without even a goodbye… I think that's when everything changed. Well, not everything. I still loved Harry, but I wanted different things… I wanted to experiment, in a way. I don't think I'm that type of the girl, you know, the one that finds her soul mate and stays with him. I think I'd get bored… And probably end up hurting him, because I don't know how to handle… anything. And that's not fair. So maybe it was good that Harry had to go.

When they were gone, though, it was still hell. Merlin, it was still my brother, and one of my best female friends, and the boy I first fell in love with out there! And I loved them all so much. So yeah, it was hell. Which is what inspired Luna and Neville and myself to restart the DA, I think. We all cared too much. But that was an advantage, in many ways…

We learnt a lot that year, good and bad, but never, _never_, did we hear anything about Ron, Hermione and Harry. Though you know what they say, no news is good news. I don't believe it personally but it wasn't just about me. I had to make the others students believe there was hope. Which there was… It was just hard to believe.

You see what war does to people?! Why? What draws people to cause so much pain, suffering, hurt, death…? It just makes me so angry!! That helped me deal with things… And it helped me help others…

My sixth year passed in a blur, really. DA meetings, Dark Arts lessons and sleep pretty much covers it. A few detentions here and there for daring to speak out of turn and insulting superiors. Oh, pur-lease! Superiors my ass!

Then it was the Battle of Hogwarts… People just kept arriving to fight… It was amazing really. And Percy, oh my stupid big brother! I was glad he was back. It made mum so happy, and he'd changed too. He wasn't so… Bigheaded and pompous… He was my big brother. But it was short lived… Fred… Ooh Fred. Why, oh why Fred? I was always closest to Fred and George, and you could see that when it was me and George clinging to each other, trying to find any comfort from Fred's demise… Percy, he was just so shocked, and mum, she was inconsolable… But still the fighting carried on, like we didn't even matter… I suppose, in the grand scale of things, we don't, but when you're trying to cope with all that grief and you don't want to feel like you don't matter…

Then came the point where Harry went. I watched him go, and I held my breathe. I crossed my fingers for him, I wanted him to win this fight, the Wizarding world _needed_ him to win this fight. I didn't want him to die, I never did… He was still my first love for Merlin's sake.

They came back to the school, poor Hagrid, bless him, carrying Harry's limp body, and still I denied that the jolt that zipped across my chest meant something...

When everyone saw them approaching you could hear the collective breath sucking in, see the anxiety in everyone's faces, see the defeat creeping in… Neville, only Neville, had the courage to do what I had seen Harry ask him to do and I silently and inwardly rejoiced. I knew about the bloody Horcruxes, even if they didn't know I knew. Bloody idiots.

And then it happened. Harry was alive?!

There came that bit where I don't know what happened… I was too busy fighting Mrs Bellatrix Lestrange collectively with Luna and Hermione. Then mum jumped in, "_not my daughter, you bitch!_" Go mum! So, Bellatrix was dead, can you believe she was in love with that… thing? Whatever… Voldemort was. And then it was all eyes on Harry and Voldie. Yeah, some people don't have to courage to say his name still, but old mouldy Voldie suits him down to the ground, much more than any of his other "names".

Anyhow, that was quite a speech Harry made… And then he was dead. Voldie, I mean. And the cheers, bloody hell, it made the room shake! Of course, there were the dead… Fred (sob), Remus, Tonks, Colin, Lavender (in this story she dies!) and everyone… But it's nothing we couldn't and wouldn't get over.

In the midst of the battle, somehow I missed Ron and Hermione getting together… But I was pleased all the same. "Finally!" I told them, smiling. And then I saw Harry sneak out, thanks to Luna. I followed, and of course Luna saw me. And let me. That girl is very special… She doesn't get enough credit…

Anyhow I knew where he'd be going… Where else but the lake? Even after all this time, I still knew him. Safe under his invisibility cloak he had nothing to fear…

I don't know why I followed him. Just something was making me… When I caught up to him the words came without a problem.

xXx

"_Hey,"_

_Harry looked up. "Oh, hey, Gin,"_

"_You did a great job there. Even after all that, you still manage to surprise us all,"_

"_Yeah, thanks…"_

"_Harry, it's over… There's nothing to really worry about… So will you please chillax?"_

_He sighed. "I'm sorry, Gin. It's just all been so hard,"_

"_I know, I know. Merlin, believe me, I know," she said, sitting down beside him._

"_Fred…"_

"_Was an amazing person, and a brilliant brother. He will live on in our memories and in our hearts. He'll never be forgotten, George and I'll take care of that!"_

_Harry cracked a smile._

"_Look, can we just forget about tonight, just for… Tonight?"_

"_Why?"_

"_Because… Look at you, Harry! You're a mess!" And that's when she realised she wasn't the only one who had changed._

"_What do I have to live for, Gin?"_

"_Me," she replied quietly. He looked at her._

"_I thought you'd given up on me,"_

"_So did I,"_

"_Then what…?"_

"_Just go with it," she murmured, closing the distance between their lips and kissing him with all the pent up feeling she had. Their kisses that night were all passionate and fiery, and they all promised love…_

xXx

It was watching him leave the hall, I realised, that made me really think about it. Of course I still loved him! That's why I followed him. And it was his defeatist attitude that made me realise he loved me too. From then it was simple…

Our first time together was amazing. He was so gentle and loving, and yet passionate and mind-blowing. We did everything… Because we could. And gone were all those burdens that had tainted us before… It was just us. And it was great!

Every day I love him more and more. I'm still me, and I can survive without Harry, but the simple truth is _I don't want to_. And I guess I am one of the one-man girls after all. Sucker.

xXx


End file.
